I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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