i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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