do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
