I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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