get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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