Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
