Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
