dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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