My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
