can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
im on a boat
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