he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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