I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Don't make out with my wife yet
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
