if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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