Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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