Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
