just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
