why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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