so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Small penises have feelings too.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
