I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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