Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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