A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
