I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I still have a little drunk in my system
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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