just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
