What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
