Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
