can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
