to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
