My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
