omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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