ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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