Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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