Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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