After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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