i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Watching her eat just hurts me
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
