You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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