Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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