Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
