I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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