My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
