I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
