I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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