so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
