Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
