Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I intend to get homeless drunk
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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