I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
