God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
