Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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