I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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