Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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