My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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