i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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