What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
