if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
