I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
