You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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