I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
