last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
