Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
