Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
