We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
