She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
