wake up i wanna do it froggy style
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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