we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
