Can i not drive my cunt home
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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