where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You can't motorboat a personality
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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