Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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