dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
