suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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