I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
