I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
