The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
