I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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