She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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