You work out of a Hotel?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
