I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize